Living the Pedestrian Life as the Family Black Sheep….

I have a confession to make.

I am a black sheep – the confirmed black sheep of not only my own extended family, but particularly my wife’s as well.  I might qualify as a stealth black sheep in some folks’ eyes given my educational and professional pedigree; but don’t be fooled, I am a genuine black sheep. 

As all family black sheep must do, I’ve borne cloaked, indirect, and overt insults, been the butt of countless jokes and jibes, been blamed for everything under the sun including global warming and the election of Obama the Great, cursed, laughed at, ignored, ignited, and been the target of several poorly constructed voodoo dolls, none of which appropriately captured my rugged features, and two of which resulted in the untimely deaths of several balding, overweight fly fishermen in my neighborhood. 

Nothing like a near miss event or two to make you appreciate waking up every morning.  

All that said, I was unprepared for the curveball epithet hurled my way recently by a Lone Star state based brother-in-law.  The exact circumstances aren’t that important – but here was the pitch – he said I was living a ‘pedestrian life’ here in Montana. 

Now, fly fishing with a colorful group of fisher folk has exposed me over the years to a fairly wide array of various language constructs often employed in manufacturing a great insult.   Use of the term ‘pedestrian life’ threw me somewhat for a loop as it indeed was not a phrase I had ever heard come forth from an insult minded fishing companion; it was determined that further research was required.

It should be noted that the brother in law in question does fly fish several times a year from his estate in central Texas; his wife has informed us in years past that they much prefer the experience that fishing in Alaska and Argentina offers as opposed to the plebian, overcrowded, and over exploited fly fishing options offered in the continental US.   (And yes, to keep the peace with The One Who Must Be Obeyed, I’ve driven him around Montana on more than one occasion – two actually – for the purpose of fishing these humble and plebian waters of the neighborhood). 

Now the research – the Random House Dictionary defines pedestrian as lacking in vitality, imagination, distinction, etc.; commonplace; prosaic or dull.

After consulting a number of fly fishing colleagues, friends, children, wife, business partners, my mailman, and my favorite clerks at the Town and Country grocery store here in Bozeman, I’ve come to the conclusion that my life probably does appear somewhat pedestrian to someone living the ‘high life’ in more sophisticated environs.  

Watch out, you may be living a pedestrian life as well.  Here are a few dead giveaways that you’re slipping into a pedestrian existence -

1. You consider a Slim Jim and a large Rock Star a fair substitute for any meal. 
2. Your newest vehicle is 5 or more years old.  Be even more concerned if your vehicle is an old pickup or old style sports utility type vehicle with more than one color of paint or rust holes large enough to put your thumb through.
3. You own more than 4 fly rods and fish with them at least once during the season.  Collecting non-fished rods doesn’t count here. 
4. You’re on the water – even overfished, plebian, local waters per my sister in law (that apparently covers Montana as well) – 3 or more days out of 7. 
5. You have a pair of ‘dress jeans’ and a ‘dress baseball cap’ for special occasion wear. 
6. You still own a pair of neoprene waders, and even still wear them now and then.  Sorry KB, it appears you’re living a pedestrian existence as well – I have that exact same pair of neoprenes.   Damn, what it is with we aging fat guys and brown neoprene waders? 
7. Your work – you can’t have a ‘profession’ and live a pedestrian life.  You can have a job, own a business, or otherwise be self employed.  I once had a ‘profession’ and now live a pedestrian life – proof that it is indeed possible to slip down to this level. 
8. You tie your own flies.  Even better if you build your own rods.
9. You’d rather dine out at a drive-in local burger place than fine dining establishments with the menus written in French.
10. Your idea of the big city is now a town with over 50,000 people. 

The list could go on and on. 

Pedestrian brotherhood of black sheep – unite.  Come on in, the water’s just fine.

Tags: The Pedestrian Life

Tagged as: Damn!