As part of our team’s continuing drive to make our site more useful, we’ve determined to add another feature – sort of a ‘Dear Abby’-like advice column for fly fishermen.
The following email is a perfect example of why this is needed –
Dear Team Chi Wulff –
I’m a novice but improving fly fisherman living in PA, have been married for three years, have triplets (all girls) age 9 months, and both my mother and mother-in-law live in town. A good friend has invited me on a guided floated Mother’s Day afternoon on a nearby river – should I go? This is a once in a lifetime trip with a great guide during a premier early season hatch.
By the way, the look all six women gave me when I mentioned it a few days ago could have dropped a bull elk at 400 yards.
Pensive in PA
Pensive – most of us know that look well; don’t worry, you can develop at least some immunity to it, and it rarely induces a lethal wound, though you may be sore, not cast well, and limp for a few days after being hit with it.
We’ve carefully considered your dilemma, and have the following advice:
1. Flowers. For all of them. Even your nine month old daughters. There is both an art and science to the giving of flowers, and space precludes our delving into the entire treatise here. The rough guideline is at least two dozen roses for your wife; she must receive the biggest and the best bouquet. Roses or tulips for the “mature” women in your life, though not too fancy as to spoil them.
2. Chocolate. For all of them. Chocolate has magical powers and can be a powerful distractant 
when you’re pursuing wily trout on near or far streams. The rough guideline here is the chocolate for your wife must again be the highest quality; it must be dark (70% or higher), rich, foreign, and attractively packaged. Chocolate containing some sort of liqueur might be of additional benefit. Cheap American chocolate for your mom and mother in law. Also, note the pic with this particular point and see number 4 below.
3. Prepare a nice breakfast, and do it with a smile. Serve alcohol, preferably Champaign. I don’t know what passes for a high brow breakfast in your neck of the woods; I’m preparing scratch buttermilk biscuits, sausage, eggs, sausage gravy, fresh ground coffee, and fresh strawberries with cream at my place – though I’m just an ignorant Montanan living a pedestrian life according to several members of my extended family.
4. Get a vasectomy. This next week. Kids are great, but you’ve already got three college 
educations and three weddings to pay for. Vasectomy procedures are now covered by most health insurance companies, and there are some nifty do it yourself kits available. Stop now or you’ll never move up to bamboo. Trust us on this one.
5. Go fish.
Tags: Damn!
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Some good advise, Mark. I still wonder if it will be enough.